just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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