I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
