I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
