If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
