well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
