who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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