Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
