you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
