Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
