Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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