No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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