Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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