: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize