yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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