she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think your dad took our porno
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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