There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize