Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
