I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
