So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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