why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
