You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
