go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
