He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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