thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
