well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
