I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize