I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
