i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
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