Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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