the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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