genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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