The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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