So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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