I wish I only lived at night.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
