Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
