I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
