TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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