I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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