apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
