He told me they were just razor bumps!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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