the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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