my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
