hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
