I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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