I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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