are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
