I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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