They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
