i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
