In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
