Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
