He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
