We won't sleep together?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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