My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
