im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
