I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
from now on my penis is your penis
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
