i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
