Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
