I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
