his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
