Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
