If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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