He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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