no, he came in my armpit
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
