If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize