ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
did you just send me my own nude
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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