Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
