I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
