The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
