i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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