i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
