Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
