you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
