Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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