You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
