ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
