my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Drunk is not a location!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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