I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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