okay pat passed out under dana's car
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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