I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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