1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize