woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
