my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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