She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
