just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
