hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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