Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
